I am melancholy today. I am normally a perfectionist. You wouldn't be able to tell if you came to my house. (If I was really a perfectionist, my house would look MUCH better than it does, right?) Well, that's just not how it works. I take on everything that comes my way, and when I can't do it all I become paralyzed and accomplish not much of anything. All that to say that this post is my first that is off the fly.
I found out the day after my last post that the character in the story is pregnant. I spent a good portion of the morning crying. My helplessness overwhelms me. And little chats sound so trite and trivial. Rumor has it that she got married on Wednesday. Fourteen and married. Is that even legal?!? She won't return my phone calls.
This link was sent to me after my last post. Thanks, Kelly. When One Is Enough Also, a story by Jeremy Huggins is definitely worth looking into.
My guilt at life and shame over my faillures feels as though it is crushing me. I can't help everyone. I know that. I know so much, my head is filled with answers that just don't compute for me. How does one make answers compute? How does one live in the midst of all this? I just don't know. But I refuse to continue in complacency and materialism, while little girls are getting pregnant, and babies that are obviously alive (even to the aborters) are killed for damn convenience. I do not know how I should live, but I for sure don't want to get sucked into a comfortable bubble with goose-down-padding, so I can ignore the world.
I'm not sure what to say. I love you, your honesty and fight towards righteousness. You, my friend, push me to resist getting sucked into that goose-down-padded bubble! Thank you for fighting for those who have no voice.
"You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off" fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Behold, all who are incensed against you shall be as nothing and shall perish. You shall seek those who contend with you, but you shall not find them, those who war against you shall be as nothing at all. For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; It is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you".
Isaiah 41:9-13
Partial comfort lies, I think, in the words of this blog, "ordinary life," faithfulness." Though our hearts may be broken by those identical twins now lost, or a girl-neighbor suddenly mother-to-be, we have before us the everyday where we are required to go on living. To find moments of joy and satisfaction seeing your child's eyes light as you hand him a piece of cinnamon toast, as you cuddle to read "The Pig Digs" for the 1,000th time, as you put your cheek to your own twins' soft heads and pull clean, fresh shirts over their little chests. This is good. But for any of us, whether a mother or not, the question is how do we live faithfully, loving first those who live with us, and then those in the suffering world around us. I don't know the answers, but I'm comforted that Jesus is careful to call us to his side, reminding us we can't carry the burden of suffering that he was designed to carry for the world: "Come to me all you who area weary and heavily burdened, and I will give you rest..." I love you, my daughter. mlh
at your husband's request, I am praying for you, him, and your family. cast your "failures" on Jesus.
Today was made a hundred times better by that short time spent with you. Thanks!
Sember you are beautifully made. You and your family have been such incredible blessings to me ( and this neighborhood). Your honesty and humility and your love are incredible. You share in the pain and suffering of others without denying your own and all the while praising God for His unfailing goodness. God is using you in ways you don't know. I love you.
Thank you all for your prayers and comfort. Taking too much on is a bad habit that I have(obviously), that is a lacking of faith in specific areas, and I praise God that he said 'No longer.' and is causing it all to come to such a peak: that change is inevitable. Amen.
I will continue to share the everyday, I can not hide from my God, therefore I will not hide from you, and we will pick up morsels from one another and go home a little closer to truth and reality. Thank you especially to those that have sent me Bible verses. To attempt to write what it meant to me, would destroy the true emotion, so, again thank you.