Last week I took my life to Labri and dismantled it. I have been sorting through the bullshit and throwing it out. My husband says: ‘Do you know why I am here? To hold your pieces while you put them back together.’ I feel as though I am under a spell. In a cocoon. The smallest things cause me fear that it will break me open prematurely and dissipate the spell. So, for now I ignore the phone and the life that buzzes past my door. I cuddle babies and kiss chubby faces that press themselves against my lips, begging for more. I sleep sixteen hours and spoon with my husband when he joins me. We postpone sex for the sake of a different kind of closeness.
My head is so full of the things that I read, listened to, and discussed with various people. My sense of how small the safe bubble of Chattanooga Christian circles is, is dominating. It was the week before I left that we went across the street to greet a new neighbor. She was drinking wine with a friend and we discussed various favorites and the fact that the only wine that “gladdens” Shauns heart is hot sake. We laughed and joked and eventually the talk turned to coffee. Shaun and I are one hundred percent coffee snobs. We told our new neighbors about Greyfriars and the discovery of such an incredible coffee that it was ruining us for all other coffees. We don’t mind, some things in life just can’t be compromised, if you are going to drink coffee, than drink it RIGHT! The one woman immediately piped in “Greyfriars is Christian affiliated isn’t it?!?” She didn’t seem too excited about the prospect. We were a little surprised and said, ‘well, the owners are Christian, if that’s what you mean, you know we’re Christians, too.’
‘Well, no, Greyfriars is owned by Covenant college!’
‘No, it’s not.’
‘Yes, it is.’
‘no..’
‘Yes, it is.’
At this point we were beginning to feel a little silly arguing like school children, and tried to explain to her that we are close friends with the owners and that Covenant does not own even a piece of Greyfriars. Then we cracked a joke to kind of dissipate the tension, by saying ‘Were you scared that if you went in there, they would force you to read a tract?’
We’re tempted to buy her a bag of coffee and write Jesus Saves on it before giving it to her.
It has taken me a long time to know how to process, knowing that people outside of the Chattanooga Christian bubbles are also aware of the bubble. All I can feel is sadness over this.
Dorothy Sayers wrote: “What is repugnant to every human being is to be reckoned always as a member of a class, and not as an individual person.” I do not want to be clumped into a group because I am a mother, wife, or Christian. Surely these each are part of my calling, but I am a unique individual for whom these roles will be played out in an unrepeatable way according to my gifts, needs, and how the other pieces of my calling fit in. I also don’t want to lump people into an outside group, because they don’t believe what I do.
My hope is that we will stop living this way. That we will live in such a way that no matter what a persons, color, faith, sex, vocation, or background may be, that we will love them as individuals and not what we assume about them.
Live dangerously, and break free from your bubble.
The following excerpt is from the book “The Secret Life of Bees” by Sue Monk Kidd. The group of women are at the wake of a dear friend named May.
Mabelee said, “She looks so good-doesn’t she look good?”
Queenie snorted. “If she looks that good, maybe we ought to put her on display in the drive-by window at the funeral home.”
“Oh, Queenie!” cried Mabelee.
Cressie noticed Rosaleen and me sitting there in the dark and said, “The funeral home in town has a drive-by window. It used to be a bank.”
“Nowadays they put the casket right up in the window where we used to drive through and get our checks cashed,” said Queenie. “People can drive through and pay their respects without having to get out. They even send the guest book out in the drawer for you to sign.”
“You ain’t serious,” said Rosaleen.
“Oh, yeah,” Queenie said. “We’re serious.”
They might’ve been speaking the truth, but they didn’t look serious. They were falling on each other laughing, and there was May, dead.
Lunelle said, “I drove in there one time to see Mrs. Lamar after she passed, since I used to work for her way back when. The woman who sat in the window beside her casket used to be the bank teller there, and when I drove off, she said, ‘You have a nice day now.’”
I turned to August, who was wiping her eyes from tears of hilarity. I said, “You won’t let them put May in the bank window, will you?”
“Honey, don’t worry about it,” said Sugar-Girl. “The drive-by window is at the white people’s funeral home. They’re the only ones with enough money to fix up something that ridiculous.”
They all broke down again with hysterics, and I could not help laughing, too, partly with relief that people would not be joyriding through the funeral home to see May and partly because you could not help laughing at the sight of all the Daughters laughing.
But I will tell you this secret thing, which not one of them saw, not even August, the thing that brought me the most cause for gladness. It was how Sugar-Girl said what she did, like I was truly one of them. Not one person in the room said, Sugar-Girl, really, talking about white people like that and we have a white person present. They didn’t even think of me being different.
Up until then I’d thought that white people and colored people getting along was the big aim, but after that I decided everybody being colorless together was a better plan. I thought of that policeman, Eddie Hazelwurst, saying I’d lowered myself to be in this house of colored women, and for the very life of me I couldn’t understand how it had turned out this way, how colored women had become the lowest ones on the totem pole. You only had to look at them to see how special they were, like hidden royalty among us. Eddie Hazelwurst. What a shitbucket.
I agree with your general idea of the importance of "everybody being colorless" or standing together despite their place in life. I also agree that we should be able to reach outside of the group that we usually associate ourselves with and attempt to contect with and minister to those in need. I do not, however, feel that it is ultimately bad to rest in or be comfortable with being a part of one or more circles. I grew up in a family of non-believers who were always at odds with everyone around us--extended family, past friends, and neighbors. I am now so thankful that we have been led to this area to participate in our community and church. I am involved with several groups of amazing people who I am able to minister to with the gifts that I have been given as well as receive their love and support when needed.
Thank you so much for your reminder Amber. I think that community is so essential, but community that is judgemental or excludes is not right. I don't think that I would go so far as to say that people should be "colorless". The quote from the book was food for thought with a grain of salt. I think that we should rejoice in our differences, gifts, and individuality. And communities should encourage this. I am in no way condemning circles or groups. I just love to see diversity in the communities that together form a body. I don't want to act within these groups in such a way as to make people that don't fit a certain mold feel rejected. I want especially my Christian circles to love in such a way that people are drawn in and not skittish because the click is too tight. A fragrance of life. Salt and Light.
I guess in a nut shell an example for me is that I don't want people to think they know what I like and dislike, or know how I should act or think, solely because they know that I am a mother. I want them to take the time to know me without assuming. Which is why I wrote: "Surely these each are part of my calling, but I am a unique individual for whom these roles will be played out in an unrepeatable way according to my gifts, needs, and how the other pieces of my calling fit in."
You should definitely send the "Jesus Saves" coffee to your neighbor...
I am definitely looking forward to sampling some of this Jesus Coffee -- in the espresso variety. I can hardly wait. Houston has me longing for decent coffee. I've tried dozens of coffee places to find one good one... but only when one specific barista is there. Otherwise, it's all Starbucks-esque and quite uninspiring.
Labri sounds like it was an experience... And a lot of what you're talking about, related to how we live and interact with others is stuff that I've been toying around with, as well.
I think one of the toughest things is actually identifying what our "bubble" is and how to step out of that. Funny that we use the word bubble, as it sounds like it would be quite easy to step out of. Perhaps it should be called a prison... mental, social, habitual... That's what it tends to be for me...
As for life in a bubble, you have me thinking. I guess my take on the whole situation (excluding the Greyfriar's part until later) is that we are to act as one, or actually as the BODY of Christ. We can be a community and yet not stuck in a bubble. We are called to examine the whole scripture and not throwing out that which makes us uncomfortable. We are called to sharpen each other and are also called to interact with all of the world around us. AS for the bubble part, you have to choose that. I do not feel stuck in a bubble, I feel challenged by both my friends in the body and those outside of it. Jesus was not comfortable to just stay with his own but knew that even his own people would reject him. Even His close friend denied him and did not act like part of the body. He was comfortable spending time with the tax collectors, harlots and other people who really reflect the old hearts of our bodies. It is humbling and yet accurate to see ourselves as no different than those around us. We are each capable of each sin and are harlots ourselves. At the same time we have been redeemed. Not because of anything we have done, but by the grace of our Saviour. This should cause us to pop our bubbles... to look at the world through God's eyes. Not to see Christian and non-Christian, but to see the body and the promise of new grafts that will shake us up and move us forward-- Towards Him.
May He pick the scales from our eyes. May he pick out our wounds that we would realize that we have scars that only He can heal, and may we NOT do unto others as has been done to us, but see our non-believing friends come to him out of our humility and struggle to do our best in all things for him.
Bring on the best coffee.
Should I not buy flowers from someone with an "alternate lifestyle?" The Christian community--made up of believers AND non-belivers-- has brought this on society. It is as silly as saying "I can't go to their house, because they painted their kitchen orange." Or "they bought a foreign car." Or "she does/does not)protests the war.
Be not ashamed, we know the truth and need to graciously give it humbly. WE should not be ashamed to be part of the Body of Christ, but should use that as a spring board to get out there and befriend the harlots, addicts and "good" people who do not know the truth.
Back to the coffee. Don't write "Jesus Saves" on the coffee unless you want to perpetuate lie of who started Greyfriars and who owns it. Tell us which house and we will drop by and invite them to our house for coffee and wine.
This is a complicated topic and I'm sure everyone has a slightly different perspective depending on where they are at. Moving here eight months ago from a city as big and diverse as Minneapolis was a little shocking. Likewise it was brilliant to move somewhere where the community was tightly knit and everyone knows everyone. However, just as the big city could be impersonal and sometimes too individualistic so too can a town like Chattanooga be a bit of a bubble. I can't speak for everyone else but know that my own inclinations have been to get comfortable in my own niche. Moving outside of this comfort zone of specific friends and neigbors can be awkward and take energy I don't feel like I have. However, my convictions are that things which bear the most fruit tend to begin with a struggle and some discomfort. I couldn't agree more about throwing our assumptions out the window. When we moved here Chattanooga seemed preoccupied with the racial issue but many described it as a compassion for the "Black man." That seemed strange to us and still seemed to lump everyone that was black into this needy category. I guess in dialogue I have sensed a certain kind of assumptions about groups of people. Maybe we should seek to redeem our individual neigbors rather than crusading for a racial cause. If our neigbor happens to be in need lets help regardless of color and not see it as helping out the "Black man" Loving your brother in universally applied regardless of superficial labels. What shocked Sember and I was not the Christian perspectives so much as the unbelieving perspectives of Christians. Maybe we can simply move inch by inch out of our comfort zones and find ourselves sitting at the tables of our unbelieving neighbors as friends not projects!
As for the "Jesus Saves" on the coffee. Hopefully you can all recognize humor when you see it. The point Sember was making was asking how we can proactively break this lie about the "Elitist Covenant Community" and then how we might recreate a reputation of sacrificial love rather than the famed bible belt fundamentalist reputation already in place. As for the address Leda, it is the house directly accross from ours and I encourage you to invite Elizabeth for wine and coffee. Ps. Would a Jesus action figure be more acceptable with the care package?
Leda: I hope that you know that I would in no way "perpetuate the lie". In fact it was a good opportunity to explain about the blood sweat and tears that were put into the store by two wonderful people. That Ian has an amazing gift with coffee and that the reason he is doing it is to give a taste of the best from God's garden, not as a project to turn all into Christians, jamming the Bible down their throats via coffee. That we can not assume that we know what people are like because they are Christians and that in fact the owners are great neighbors of ours and consequently hers as well. She was impressed. Also, I in no way think that Greyfriars has set up the idea that it is a bubble. I think that comes from different sources, that this woman added together to judge something Christian only by what she knows about Christians from heresay. The Jesus Saves coffee was a joke to open potential doors to shed light on how Christianity is different than Christians often (including myself) portray. that it points to Christ not other Christians. The Coffee was also a piece of humor to gently point out how absurd it is to think the "lie" not to "perpetuate" it.
I too pray that God will peel back our scales. What is frightening to me is that we are so comfortable that we don't see even the scales in ourselves.
Emery: Oh, indeed you are in for a REAL treat, and Praises be to GOD because you can go to their website and even ORDER their coffee and they'll send it to you all the way in TEXAS! The link is located in my side bar.
This sentence of yours was especially thought provoking. Shouldn't a bubble just pop oh so easily. No. No, it doesn't. All too often it is wrenching and painful, for how hard we hang on.
"I think one of the toughest things is actually identifying what our "bubble" is and how to step out of that. Funny that we use the word bubble, as it sounds like it would be quite easy to step out of. Perhaps it should be called a prison... mental, social, habitual... That's what it tends to be for me..."
I've a bit of envy. I think: How wonderful it would be to experience TN. Maybe we've had winter too long up here and I need to snuffle a daffodil. I wouldn't need to order that European Yurgachef from Grayfriar's by mail, I could just go get it. You've a sort of community I would love to be a part of. It's not perfect, but even this kind of discussion among Christians is unusual. It's a good thing. So, from afar, I'd say you all want something rare and good; to love your neighbor in a way that makes him or her feel like drinking coffee or wine with you is a safe thing, like getting a piece of home like you never knew could be quite that good. And from there, we never quite know where the thread (or drink?) will take us or whose bubble will burst. Most times it's been mine. I've found it painful, remarkable and even funny. But then, I'm possibly more full of crap than most.
JESUS SAVES COFFEE!!! ;-) Jokes! Problem with me is that the cynic couldn't help but encourage the "Jesus Saves" coffee. hehe!
Shaun -- I was reading your post, and it brought to mind some other things that have been going on in my life. Personally, this "living in Houston" thing has been a challenge, indeed! I know I've shared that on multiple occasions... let me expound.
After coming back from New Zealand, I was so excited about getting involved in a Church that would be a support and "home". What I was hoping for was a group of people that would become family... that even if I was quickly whisked off back to New Zealand, I would remain in contact with even just a couple. I was looking for some anchoring, I guess. I've been trying so hard to do this "Christian thing" alone -- I think God finally has convinced me that it's not meant to be done that way.
Anyway, so I arrive in Houston, quite excited to meet some passionate, caring, Godly folks. Not perfect... just folks who are truly serious about pursuing God. Over this last eight months, I think it has become clear that I am not going to find that community that I've so longed for -- well, at least not quickly.
My premise all along has been that my Christian family should be the base from which I operate. I want to interact with non-believers... I want to be good friends with them. At the same time, I know that I need people that I really "journey with" and "commune with" -- I don't think that could ever properly be a non-believer.
My experience has been the opposite. My non-Christian friends want to support me, want to be around me and be my "family". It's weird... I've never been so accepted. Unfortunately, I find that my Christian family has been disassociated, unconcerned with my life or struggles, and unhappy to know anything more than what my job is, what type of car I drive. I feel torn.
This situation has further engrained in myself the deep need for each of us to commune with others... to be in proper community. We are a "body" after all. What is a body that is torn in pieces?
And when we grasp some semblance of living as a body, this body should truly live "in this world" -- not half-heartedly, multiple degrees removed from our neighbors that we are called to love. We should be fully engaged, living whole lives...
Some fodder for thoughts... I'm definitely still just beginning to work through all of this.
Maybe my post was misunderstood. I totally got the joke of the "Jesus Saves" coffee. :) Me, in my practicality wanted to think through how scales might be lifted off of ALL of our eyes. I basically identify with Eustus from the Voyage of the Dawn Treador. Unlike the character in the the book, whose scaleds came off overnight, I am still being made over.
I want there to be a balance between the body and it reaching out (not a as whole but as individuals). I purposely used body because I think sometimes community can be similar to a clique and that bothers me. I do not want to see the body getting a bum rap but I don't want to see it idolized either.
Maybe I haven't learned to write as lighthearted as my spirit is, but you got me thinking and that is alway good.
I love all this dialogue. I love that we have people coming together that are experiencing perhaps two sides of the topic. One where the body is not living in community, and one where the body is living in perhaps so much community that it is easy to grow too complacent and turn into a click.
BUT, there is a time to rest. There is a time to escape to Labri. There is a time to work hard. There is a time to shut your door, and say 'sorry, I need to be only with my family tonight.' and there is a time to be with your neighbor... My biggest question is, who am I loving and not loving? Who am I rejecting for fear that their "sin" might corrupt my children? Who am I rejecting (even family?) because I NEED MORE MONEYMONEYMONEY?!? The lists could go on. Thanks everyone for your input. Keep it coming!!!
I am not ashamed of the body of Christ but so often find I am ashamed of the establishment called "Christian". When we begin to idolize theology, denomination, creed and the like Jesus is lost. We become Pharisaical, subtly adding law onto law, serving the Sabbath rather than the Sabbath serving us.
I grew up in Chattanooga and am grateful for the strength in my learning and study that was formed in that tight community. But God's growing me differently now that I'm in inner-city Atlanta, seeing the Spirit of God and His strength move through the unlearned "sinners and tax-collectors". When I visit Chatt these days I find myself chafed by the religiosity and what comes across looking like a small definition of God. I cringe when I hear what a "great place to raise kids" Chattanooga is. Jesus was radical and I just can't find in the Bible where we're called to safety.
I also see where Jesus was intentional in placing himself among these "sinners & tax collectors", overthrowing religious norms and assumptions over and over. How do we practice this intentional placing of ourselves outside our "like" circles and yet maintain genuineness? Is it as simple as living honestly, baring ourselves before all, not just where it's safe?
The Jesus Saves coffee cracked me up.
Just a funny little story I had to share, since we've been talking "around" the topic of Greyfriar's Coffee.
Today at lunch, I shared with some friends that I had been in Chattanooga the previous weekend. One of them chimed in, "Have you heard of Greyfriar's Coffee?"
To which I responded, "Yes! I've been there, and I love it!"
She said that she'd have to make it to Chattanooga, if for anything, just to make it to Greyfriar's. Apparently, she keeps hearing of Greyfriar's from a number of friends.
Anyway, I thought it was a fun story to share, considering all the discussion we've had about these almost-legendary beans! ;-)
Shaun and Sember...I would love to be involved with the community there with you. This is a dream I'm still waiting to happen. We'll start a coffee snob/pop culture club that takes pictures, discusses sappy songs and every once in a while have a little card playing with some jack. This coffee is fantastic. I though have found my home at Anodyne. Second best maybe...I think i'm due on sending a romantic package..eh?
With Much Love,